It seems that when one is faced with the task of making sense of a loss that a lot of well meaning people appear to give their support. The empathy and sympathy is appreciated, though it’s tough to express. It’s as if suddenly the right words are ripped from the mind, leaving a void of confusion.
Poems, stories, quips, quotes, they all show that someone cares and is trying to cheer up the person who has lost their direction. What’s really strange, is that while these kind words all are an ointment to help, they are also like ripping off a scab, exposing a healing wound, to apply the ointment.
The words from those just learning of the loss are the hardest. A crack in the shield forms every time the story is told. Some days the shield is fully pierced.
When you learn of someone’s loss, please, do not try to find the right words to say. Never, are the right words going to come, for it is not words that heal. The healing will come from within. Tiny moments of joy linking together, bonding with the new self.
Don’t tell someone to appreciate the good times. They already do. It’s the good times that formed their current structure. Telling this gives a state of confusion, unable to determine if the appreciation is enough or even sincere.
Don’t tell them to think of what they already have. Yes, these people and things won’t lose any importance. When there is a loss, there is an empty seat at every table, it’s not removing a chair.
Don’t tell someone that it could be for the best. No. Right now it can’t be for the best. In fact, right now, it feels more like that it just can’t be even real.
Don’t tell them about a loss you experienced. Hearing about someone else’s pain is salt on the wound. No matter how splendid of a moral to the story you have, it doesn’t make it better.
We understand that you are trying to be helpful, trying to work through your own heartbreak, and that you care. Thank you for caring. That’s all we want. Offer an open ear, but don’t get upset should it not be called upon. To know that we can talk to you is itself comforting.
For those that have spoke to me or others in the past and tried to find the right words: we carry them with us now, but they don’t hold us back. We appreciate your intent. Thank you for caring. Honestly and sincerely, thank you for caring.